This article is from the Fall 2024 issue of Contentment magazine.
By Linda Penkala, LMT
As a tightly woven unit or loosely gathered group of relatives, the family is our foundational place for lessons to be learned and where loving relationships begin. The stability of parents, grandparents, and extended family offers a solid ground of stability and connections. In some families, the parent’s rocky road of separation or divorce may have been traveled, but it does not have to define who the person is for life, as love and connection still can be present. Nurturing bonds can prevail, whether intrinsically from within the family unit or extrinsically from other caring souls that pour into children and adults for their health and wellness.
The consequences and results of the pandemic on the family unit were shaken and redesigned from 2020 to the present. There were no Pandemic 101 crash courses to take in preparation for, or even during this massive disruption within a family’s lives as we knew it. Many social and economic aspects may still be a part of many family dynamics, not to forget the state of trauma, shock, and grief if a family lost a loved one or a family friend.
On a personal and professional level, there was much to witness in this newly defined way of living during the shutdown, apart from family, work, friends, houses of worship, and normalcy as we knew it. From the overload of information about the spreading of the virus to the incredible onslaught of social unrest and political upheaval, the impact of sensory overload was creeping in. Depressive symptoms ensued as the processing ability became overwhelmed by too much incoming television information or social media and information communication overload.1 The central nervous system via the sympathetic nervous system needed a reset to regain balance from the onslaught of negativity while dealing with a new state of fear of the unknown our society had to cope with. Hope is on the horizon, as the family unit is part of the solution to regain and maintain balance through laughter, joy, and time together.
The value of social connections is evolving as a significant public health priority to address the relationship between social support, mental health, and depression.2 Within this framework, family well-being through traditions and gatherings offers hopeful remedies to embrace with intentional actions. The physiological benefits of reconnecting with family members run deep to nourish and lessen stimulation from devices, television, tablets, and the like.
The many lessons learned while crafting newly designed relationships over the last several years have paid off with a more profound sense of gratitude and appreciation for our families. Tools we may never have utilized to lessen stress and anxiety, like exercise, breath work, meditation, mindfulness, or massage, may now be the norm. More than ever, we need to foster family moments that enhance family resilience to strengthen individual and family bonds following a shared trauma. We tap into the past to come together for family traditions and create new ones as each family member—parents, siblings, grandchildren, and cousins—ages through the years.
Hopeful Family Options to Foster Unity and Love:
Family Trips and Reunions – Over the years, while raising our four kids, we went on a week’s summer vacation or local trips to continue a spirit of adventure my dad downloaded into our family. Whether to Hilton Head on the beach or Maine with my mom with two cars, to Duck, North Carolina in 1999, the last week when the cyber world was going to implode, or to Luray Caverns in Virginia to see the depths of the earth’s beauty, they all offered lasting memories for each of us. One stellar memory was returning by flight at night from a Texas family reunion on July 4th, our son Lance’s birthday. Not only did the entire plane sing Happy Birthday, but we were also gifted with the country’s fireworks below! How can you top that family souvenir?
Family Traditions – Whether religious, spiritual or passed down through the generations, traditions matter as they anchor and ground our souls together. They offer a significant and meaningful moment to look forward to over the years. Shared beliefs help foster coherence and confidence, enabling each member to enhance coping skills and build resilience. These family values can strengthen family hardiness by helping to get through a significant crisis or stressful time via positivity and hopeful prayers or rituals.
Family Feasts – A tradition my husband and I try to continue with our six grandkids, ages eleven to five is to come around the dining room table for taco night. When their parents were kids, we would sit there for at least an hour or more, eating and heating those taco shells and getting the yummy tomatoes, meat, cheese, and sour cream from my decades-old taco tray. Another traditional Maryland family moment is a crab feast. We gather outside, around a table, with dozens of crabs, small wooden hammers, salad, and melted butter. We sit, maybe with adult beverages/iced tea, and teach the kiddos how to master getting to that delicious crabmeat. That continues for hours, but it is one crabby tradition that out-of-state families can love to be part of, too.
Family Volunteering & Service Projects – Volunteering helps decrease stress by improving positive, relaxed feelings by releasing dopamine. Coming together for a good cause helps a family’s purpose, as aligned with their value system and skills. If any are crafters, sewers, or knitters, they could make a prayer shawl to bless another. Volunteering over 65 years of age helps decrease depression and anxiety, resulting in a higher state of life satisfaction. Every community has needs far beyond the capacity of the local social services. Some family community projects involve helping out at a food bank, buying school supplies for a backpack, baking cookies or cake for a lonely neighbor, donating clothes that are no longer worn, or signing up for a cause like Alzheimer’s and raising money together before going on their walk as a family.
Family Games – As kids, we played Monopoly, the card game Pinochle, and Scrabble. Wanting to share this new introduction to games, I have taught my grandkids how to play the former and latter. Seeing how they become competitive and learn to count, amass, and use money to further their game is a joy. Teaching them along the way about selling properties and buying hotels is an immersive lesson in timing. Eventually, they will learn to count cards with one of my favorite card games – Pinochle. Feeding them while playing is important, too.
Family Cooking – Making a fun meal with a few grandkids like lasagna or banana bread, which requires mashing bananas, always offers some giggles, directions, and a nice big mess. The best part is when they feel proud that they made this meal and that it tasted fantastic. Along the way, I ask who we could share this with, cutting off a piece for a loved one.
Family Fun – Finding and securing an agreed-upon fun family moment creates memories that are etched in the minds of the entire family. Whether going to an amusement park, Disneyland, a water park, an arcade, mountain climbing, skiing, or the beach, such joy and positive emotions secure family resilience.3
Family Relaxation – Our family loves the water as I do, so we have a ton of fun in the pool, at the beach, in a lake, or playing with water balloons. Having football catches while in the water, jumping into a ring from the side, or teaching each grandchild how to swim is pure joy in the summer. Another relaxing moment is giving them a quick massage on my massage table or simply giving a foot or neck massage sitting on the couch, as they all love to be touched in a safe, caring, and loving space. This may be the greatest gift I can give them, to connect with their precious bodies and begin to pay attention to how their posture impacts their neck when looking down at a device. There are many times we have device-free family times to connect and not watch them stare at a screen. Each of us within our families can continue a wedge between people or build a bridge of connection, solidifying the bond, love, and blessings a family offers if we take the time and energy to continue our legacy. Hearts secured and united in love help serve humanity and each other.
Quotes:
“If the family were a boat, it would be a canoe that makes no progress unless everyone paddles.” – Letty Cottin Pogrebin
“The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, lies in its loyalty to each other.” – Mario Puzo
“In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” – Desmond Tutu
To learn more about stress go to STRESS.ORG
References
- Lipowski ZJ. Sensory and information inputs overload: behavioral effects. Compr Psychiatry. 1975; 16(3):199–221.
- Holt-Lunstad J, Robles TF and Sbarra DA. Advancing social connection as a public health priority in the United States. Am. Psychol. 2017; 72, 517–530.
- Cohn, MA, et al. Happiness unpacked: Positive emotions increase life satisfaction by building resilience. Emotion. 2009; 9(3), 361-368.
