A few months ago, Dr. Lori Yancura from UH Mānoa’s Department of Family and Consumer Sciences was a guest author in the Aging Matters column. In that article she focused on learning from kūpuna about how they have navigated tough times.
If you missed it, search for her Sept. 16 article, “Wisdom from Tough Times: Talking Story with Kupuna.” Feedback from that article was positive so she is back this month to share stress management strategies for family caregivers, particularly during the busy holiday season.
Thank you to Dr. Yancura for sharing more of your expertise! Before beginning her section of this month’s column, find a notebook and pen or pencil as she will ask you to think about and write your thoughts.
The 4 As of Stress Management
My grandma used to say, “bad events come in threes,” and I was so glad when the third one happened. It meant our bad luck was over! As a young adult, I often wondered about that rule. Does it mean that caregivers and their family have to wait for three, six, or more bad events in order to get a break?
Fortunately, I have also learned more about stress since then. It is more complicated than the rule of three. Stressors take different forms. Traumatic events come at you from seemingly nowhere and may change your life. They usually create a trail of ripple effect stressors. Some of these are daily hassles, small events that become stressful as they add up. Others are chronic stressors, continue for years, and deplete emotional, physical and even financial resources.
Each step of the 4 As of Stress Management can guide you in dealing with different types of stressors. Managing stress in positive ways can combat feelings of helplessness and calm our minds so we can develop strategies to manage stress in healthy ways.
The first step is AVOID. It works well for daily hassles and means taking steps ahead of time to eliminate them. For example, if your loved one becomes nervous or agitated when you walk or drive on a certain street, avoid that street. What is one hassle you could avoid this week? When you decide on the hassle, write it down along with how you will avoid it.
The second step is ALTER. It works well for chronic stressors and means changing the situation to be less stressful. For example, if a physician rushes through instructions, ask them to slow down, giving you a chance to take notes and ask questions. Think about something that has caused you stress this week. What is one action you could take in this next week to alter the situation to decrease feelings of stress? Write it in your notebook.
The third step is ACCEPT. It works well for past events and means coming to terms with the situation so you can focus on thoughts or actions within your power. For example, if your family member has graduated to full-time use of a walker or wheelchair, you can help them to master its use or ask for a referral to a physical therapist who can help them build their strength and maneuvering skills. Acceptance can be difficult, especially if the changing situation means your family member is becoming less independent. In times like this a counselor, spiritual leader, or mental health professional can help you identify and take steps toward acceptance. Write down an action you can make this week to move closer to acceptance in one aspect of caregiving.
The fourth step is ADAPT. This is a long-term approach that works well for traumatic or chronic stressors and means making internal changes. As a caregiver you have probably adapted to caregiving situations by learning new skills, connecting with organizations in the community, asking for help, or learning to appreciate the small things in life. Think about and write down ways you have adapted to changes then give yourself credit for all you have done to keep your family member safe and supported.
It may take time to remember to slow down and use the four As, but they can help get through tough times and eventually lead to positive growth in many aspects of your life. Celebrate this holiday season by practicing the four A’s of stress management!
To learn more about stress go to stress.org
This weekend’s “Aging Matters” column was written by guest author Dr. Lori Yancura, professor in the Department of Family and Consumer Sciences at the University of Hawai’i at Manoa. The “Aging Matters”articles cover topics of interest to older adults and their families in Maui County and appears on the third Sunday of each month.
